Every time I read a statement from McAffee, I picture him finishing it by yelling, “McAfee Rules” with his fists in the air and then jumping through the nearest (closed) window and running away.

In her ruling, Judge Rosemary Collyer, a George W. Bush appointee

Surely you can smuggle some in? The nursing home my mom used to volunteer at had this bullshit no booze policy, and all one of the ladies (in her 90s, no family around) there wanted for Christmas was a nice bottle of red wine. You can bet we made that happen for her.

My grandma has a similar set up with a meal plan. Sadly, no beer.

Retirement living for the generation that will never be able to retire!

I dunno, but there have been moments of weakness that I've seriously considered buying the Mac&Cheese button. But then I think of my toddler getting ahold of that button, and I think of $500 worth of Mac&Cheese ending up on my doorstep two days later, and I reconsider.

Think about how slick you’ll look when you bring home a hottie from the bar, and after a great evening in the sack, you ask her to stay the weekend and she agrees, then you very casually lean over and press the Trojan Dash button by your bedside. Twice. Yup, gonna need a few more of those.

exactly. the dash button should order whatever the hell i want it to order. why do i need to be so specific? there must be some kind of deal with the merchants. like Gain pays amazon a little bit when the button is used, since having that button in your house is essentially a 24hr commercial.

To be fair, Rush is a spittle-spewing blowhard who always sounds like his own neck fat is trying to strangle him and probably can’t walk more than 20 feet without having to sit down and wheeze as his own body tries to take one for the team and crush his heart from the inside. Cruz seems positively dapper by comparison.

charisma

He just released his tax plan and I hear it’s good, but I can’t make heads of tails of it:

Rush is right; I do find him “threatening” but not for the reasons he listed. Instead, I find Ted Cruz threatening because I’m nearly certain that he truly, unequivocally believes the things that come out of his mouth, and that kind of shit should be threatening to most people.

My favorite part of political discourse is when those clearly lacking any understanding of the most basic concepts of civics inform everyone on the intricacies of Constitutional scholarship in between slurps of their Big Gulp.

Mad props for dropping a little Ren and Stimpy into the mix.

When you point your finger at a bruh, there are 4 fingers pointing back at the bruh that is you.