I agree with you, particularly with the absurd "OH GOD CANNIBALISM!" aspects, the framing device, and the general hatred I have towards "Let's take a fascinating story and make it conventional and boring!"

I know what you mean (Harry Potter 3 bothered me for the same reason) but by the ending shot, I felt Timecrimes earned its paradoxes

It really, really is

"as well as a key role in the restructuring of the region after World War I."

You left Nigel out of their child's name. Nigel must be in there. Unless you're partial to Alistair instead, which is acceptable

I'm just here to make a plug for Timecrimes, which is an amazing piece of thriller action. Seriously, go rent it for 2.99 on Amazon

This isn't "news." This has been on IMDB for 10 years

The movie got 4 acting nominations…

The Major (Scarlett Johansson, perfectly cast)

Color me surprised too

Well just made 40.5 in its opening weekend, so I guess many American adults did

You can lightheartedly mock Cage's performance and Woo's over-the-topness all you like, but I think there are two moments of genuine pathos in the film:
-Cage's memory of his first date with Joan Allen
-Gershon's death and final wish

Remember, audience, Cyrus is bad but we can like him. Because he doesn't like rapists!

"Shave the top of my feet" was an inspired touch

And the regrettable decision to include yet another X-wing fight instead of keeping things on the ground like they should have

Ehhhhh. Masterful action movies have characters, not cardboard cutouts

Doesn't bother me too much — remember that Mulan was somewhat ambivalent about music too, giving up on the songs in the second half of the film

Yes but it's just as problematic to assign no letter grades/stars/etc. Sometimes I read a New York Times

And Legally Blonde is a pun. So extra points

Is that so? That makes "Zeus's butthole" only 99% stupid, not 100%