Let’s just sentence him to 5-7 years coaching football in Lawrence, KS to make sure this doesn’t happen.

“Dallas Creamer” is not a real person’s name. This is a sexual act where you wear a cowboy hat and jerk off in your partner’s coffee.

you poor bastard.

Took a little drive to Fallujah in the late Fall of 2004. That sucked.

Usually unwise to pick up so many discarded Trojans.

*PENIS SOMEHOW ELECTED PRESIDENT

This fight was barely even long enough to masturbate to. 4/10.

So Ford’s flagship high-performance truck in 2017 has more torque than their 12 year old super car? I would fucking hope so.

Wait you mean you were so eager to tell everyone how wrong someone who disagrees with you was, you didn’t get the basics of the story first? 2016 “journalism” in a nut shell.

They can also brag about no games in March so you can focus on your studies.

NYC = UConn Country

“I don’t want to speak your language”

Holy shit. IOC spokesman is really angling for a new job as Sports Information Director for an SEC school.

It’s incredible to think that from ‘05-’07, Curt Schilling may not have been the biggest shithead in his own clubhouse.

The ‘72 Dolphins could learn a ton from Michael Johnson.

Dear European on Jalopnik - kindly fuck off and stop equating one American’s opinion with the rest of us, especially when it results in you calling us stupid. Can you? Please?

I’m sure you wouldn’t like us doing that to you.

The journey of A Thousand Miles begins with a single first class seat on a charter flight.

Fuck these guys.

Jeep grill.