I once paid a dominatrix $200 to rough up my balls.

The Pulaski Skyway (seen here when new) in New Jersey has to be on this list. They're working on it... again, but there is only so much you can polish out of this obsolete turd.

"I DRIVE A SPORTS CAR! LOOK AT MY HORSECOCK!!!"

Notice truck guys never make insecure fantastical remarks about your dick? They don't need to, they're already plowing your wife.

1. Are you a fan of the New England Patriots? Yes __ No __

Prosecutors remain baffled at the fact that of all the people surveyed, they can't seem to find a Patriots fan who began following the team before 2001.

My cats don't scratch my microfiber couches, but that is more because they know it would be the last thing they would ever do.

Who want's a mustache ride??

That's understandable, Brett Favre also inched his way towards 40 and become increasingly hard to shrug off.

Damn, NFLers usually only inflict that much damage on their wives and girlfriends.

I love getting into my car when it's -10 degrees and flooring it to the redline.

It must be such a relief to see something black on the floor in Chicago that isn't Derrick Rose.

Two players on UCONN last year were from Brooklyn.

"Jeez buddy have some decency and cover that thing"

From the score, looks like Knoxville's Fucking Iowa City.

He's taking his talents to the cafeteria.

I agree, however what this article should read is "Sacrificial Lexus leads to lifetime free carwashes for Long Island Jalops".

"Best interview I've ever heard."

That McDonald's qualification is the funniest fucking thing I've read. It's like he spotted one of his players that he knows is destined to work there for the rest of his life and didn't want to crush him.

"You know who says stupid shit like that? I can't remember"

You know who says stupid shit like that? Young people. And when they get a little bit older and realize that time is finite and injuries linger they wish they'd paid a little better attention.