$1500 into his 401(k)? Dude’ll never have enough to retire comfortably at that rate.

Umpires just don’t understand!

“I love Staind shirts!”

All of our shots are contested.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is just the best.

Our long national nightmare is over? The last I saw, Skip Bayless is still employed.

Statler: Hey, this list wasn’t half-bad!

Why’d you forget to include Gronk?

blues fan, huh?

The 76ers: Selling their fans a horse by taking them to a shit stained barn and telling them “With all that shit, there’s gotta be a pony in there somewhere.”

“Mr. Goodell, it appears you have some Kraft ranch dressing on your chin.”

The Cavs:

“Doc, what’s wrong with me?”

But soft! What bench through yonder playoff reeks?

I love this performance! I loved the part where he _____ and then he ______ at which point Kim comes out and starts to _____ his ______ while Khloe and Lamar run onto the stage and perform _____ on ______ _____ and _____ when Kanye then ____ his _____ and starts to _____ Lamar ______ _____ _____ goat _____ whip and…

As with his coaching days, he should have hired Nate Silver to analyze everything and draw the correct conclusion, at which point all writers and analysts would declare Jackson to be the greatest basketball mind of all time.

Rashaan Salaam.

In related news, cats are fleeing the region in droves, fearing eventual entombment in these creations.

Read to achieve.

No. They are just practicing for when they try out for the NBA, where you can’t succeed unless you average 6.2 angry-baby faces per game.