Look at this fucking guy. Thanks for ruining football, you smarmy ginger fuck.

[asks for God to show him a sign]
[closes eyes]
[opens eyes]
[sees sign]
[sign says "All You Can Eat - $6.99"]

-JaMarcus Russell

Fortunately, that email came just moments before an email suggesting he consider how much he can make while working from home.

"And then a garbage truck woke me up at six in the morning; its mechanical claw had mishandled a huge bin of trash and dumped it all over the street. And I asked of the Almighty: 'Really? A Raider?'"

Drugs are ... Look, drugs are bad, m'kay?

This is even more accurate when you consider Simmons is Jalen's bitch.

"Nope."

I, too, have played too many seasons for tom thibodeau.

It wasn't "vandalized" so much as "played too many seasons for tom thibodeau"

I don't want to overreact, but....

I like how he seems to be hoisting himself up from his seat by using his imaginary pully system.

Street Fighter II: Church

I don't know, but whichever asshole took the water has made a powerful enema.

In the words of Aaron Hernandez, "This is pretty much a hollow point."

No. The term "smoking gun" refers to an item in evidence that conclusively proves the guilt of the defendant. It's not literally meant to suggest a gun with smoke coming out of it.

Bradley was shot in the face all right, and found in an alley behind a John Deere store

Are we absolutely sure... just hear me out... that he wasn't doing a complicated combinatorial algorithm proof in his head while rounding the bases, and he simply wasn't aware of his slow pace? How do you know he wasn't? He could be working on some groundbreaking research, you bitch.

Geez, Around the Horn takes its reputation as "the homeless man's Sports Reporters" seriously.

What a shock: Nick Young taking some unnecessary shots.

I think he just ethered the English language