What a liar.

Ruben conveniently neglected to explain that his “plan” was found in a fortune cookie.

Are we sure Kenny Smith did not cause this?

What is “Hasa Diga Eebowai”?

You are trying to rationally discuss, without bias, the proper context, statistics and overall performance analysis, to people who have Miami Heat jerseys crammed in the bottom drawer of their dressers and had to Google “Hakeem”. Probably not worth your time.

Next up and also due to his Mayweather coverage, Stephen A will allow a braying donkey to kick him square in the nuts, which will run every hour at 36 minutes past the hour.

Jesus Christ dipshit, it was a joke.

$1500 into his 401(k)? Dude’ll never have enough to retire comfortably at that rate.

“I love Staind shirts!”

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is just the best.

Our long national nightmare is over? The last I saw, Skip Bayless is still employed.

Why’d you forget to include Gronk?

“Mr. Goodell, it appears you have some Kraft ranch dressing on your chin.”

“Doc, what’s wrong with me?”

I love this performance! I loved the part where he _____ and then he ______ at which point Kim comes out and starts to _____ his ______ while Khloe and Lamar run onto the stage and perform _____ on ______ _____ and _____ when Kanye then ____ his _____ and starts to _____ Lamar ______ _____ _____ goat _____ whip and…

As with his coaching days, he should have hired Nate Silver to analyze everything and draw the correct conclusion, at which point all writers and analysts would declare Jackson to be the greatest basketball mind of all time.

Seriously, Simmons is going to go scorched Earth on Goodell and ESPN once he has a new outlet, right?

Rashaan Salaam.

In related news, cats are fleeing the region in droves, fearing eventual entombment in these creations.

No. They are just practicing for when they try out for the NBA, where you can’t succeed unless you average 6.2 angry-baby faces per game.