Once John Rocker figured out the Braves were all dead and the Indians were safely tucked away on reservations, he moved on to the Rangers to help secure the border against marauding wetbacks, and finally ended up where he belonged all along, with the Devil (Rays).

Ban on fishing? If this ban is as effective as the "No Fishing" signs posted on the MacArthur Causeway bridge at 5th Street, them freedom loving, tea-partyin' anglers got nothing to worry about.

@FEAST: Only until '03. Now it's #Sprintcest.

Having sex in South Africa is what I do when asked for my best impression of Christopher Walken in The Deer Hunter.

"They're not us," Torii Hunter tells USA Today. "They're impostors."

At least your mom was able to teach you some goddamn manners.

Predictably, however, after Vanden Bosch texted Schwartz to say he was "late" Schwartz was no where to be found.

Two DUIs and he can't drive the company vehicle anymore

@AzureTexan: Yes. It's funded by Frank Ryan who jealously guards his status as the last Cleveland quarterback to win an NFL Championship.

. . . it's time to empty out the inbox and run all the rumors about the personal lives of every single broadcasting client on The Agency's staff.

@StevieFranchise: Right? And you didn't hear Matt Groening screaming "lawsuit," did you?

@SponsoredbyV8: I was hoping for an Oscar commenting party, like the Super Bowl.

@Al Swearengen: Wrong thread reply. Carry on.

The sun was shinning . . .

Derivative joke deleted. Compliments for great posts not deleted.

"A blank spreadsheet? Now you're going to spread something else for me . . ."

@rulesboy:

@DirkToberFest: Security realized the futility of their efforts after he simply knocked down several walls trying to gain readmittance.

Tragedy struck when fans mistook Craig Sager for Congressman Leo Ryan.

The incident allegedly took place at Capital City Pizza, "known for their crazy college dancing atmosphere then anything they serve."