Here's a quick recap in reverse chronological order, which is the preferred order of snobs who loved Memento

the Royals giving up well north of 900 runs

Reading between the lines of Jason Whitlock's cock-obsessed manifesto leads one to the disturbing, yet inescapable conclusion that he has a vagina.

Mayor: "OK officer, so is this how you threatened those evacuees?"

like why am I thinking tellitubbie when I see the mrs? Oh boy.

@MarkKelsosMigraine: And he has a Jersey Shore-esque supply of self-tanner.

Next up: The Catholic Church and their egregious canonization policies.

"The NFL is not a company that I want to rock the boat with . . ." [Lauren] Thom said.

keep in mind that Kaspar's alcohol problems mean it likely contains a few different bodily fluids.

Ingrid Calame was so devastated by New Orleans' snubbing of her work she blew her brains out all over one of her paintings, but detectives thus far have been unable to determine which.

@MidwestCoastBias: Hey Gaby, you think Greg's is impressive, what about THIS!: . . .

@Kid Canada: Similarly, I'm sure Gaby will be thrilled to find out that her work number, mobile number, and AIM handle are public information.

But nothing in the first episode would dispel the myth that drivers are as interchangeable as spark plugs.

Williams's "remember me" shots will pale in comparison to the time me Arthur Ashe got matching tattoos during the disposable needle shortage of '86.

I haven't seen a Mallon so poised under duress since Mary Mallon's years-long quarantine.

This is the worst theft involving an Embry since Elgin Baylor stole Ron Harper from Wayne Embry and replaced him with Danny Ferry.

". . . I'm not sure he's going to sneak into the first round," Mayock said.

Ever have that daymare where you visualize an ex-girlfriend showing up on your doorstep with a seven-year-old and a very angry look?

@Choire: You know, it's a wonder I even know where the computer's power button is. But I don't hear Canadian denial!

@Stev D: But how do you power your MacBook Air?