They did Jason Reitman's last movie, Labor Day, and it was a hoot.

And that STILL makes more sense than the first part of the movie, which is about…putting computer chips in racehorses to make them run faster? Or something? Man, I gotta do a Bondathon this Christmas.

Tonight: it's a Peter O'Toole movie, so I think this looks like a job for Supergirl.

"Okay, so 005 is handling the double agent in Scotland Yard, 009 is taking care of that coup in Burma…oh, Christopher Walken's planning to flood Silicon Valley from his death blimp? Sure, call in 007, I guess."

Boyle could totally be a secret Canadian.

Hard to say. Octopussy isn't that dirty outside the title, but Moonraker invites one to imagine Jaws having sex with an extremely petite woman, and View to a Kill (another possibility) features Grace Jones having sex with both Nazi superman Christopher Walken and an elderly, doddering Roger Moore.

That's not…a good movie, but it's a movie I like. It's so loud and dumb and full of crazy things that I can't help myself.

This week, We Hate Movies returns to the Stephen Ki - er, Richard Bachman well with…Theeeeennnaaaaairrrrr. Cut yourself a slice of cursed pie, squeeze into a moist fat suit, and for god's sake, don't use the G-word.

Let's not say anything we'll regret.

Is Julianne Moore fighting a mummy at this point in her career really that implausible? I mean, just last year she was some sort of…witch-dragon or something in that Seventh Son movie.

"Why, YOURS, Ebenezer - the richest man in the cemetery!"

That's the one! Also, Christian Slater and Julianne Moore vs. Steve Buscemi and his mummy.

This week, it's We Hate Movies vs. Freddy vs. Jason! Maybe 2003 was the nadir of everything, because this movie is a confluence of bad - bad script, bad soundtrack, and even bad sweaters. You really should just see those Ginger Snaps movies instead. And for the record: forced to choose between the two, I guess I'd…

Did any non-Canadians get that joke? I'm curious.

I was kind of hoping that Jake and Amy would be investigating spooky goings-on at Silver Shamrock Novelties.

Martin Cinemax III strikes again!

The Spooktacular rolls on as We Hate Movies sweats out a Killer Workout! It's a movie full of mysteries even Chuck Dawson can't solve: was this originally porn? Where did that giant safety pin come from? What's the deal with Death Spa? Oh, and for the record: no, I would not dig my own grave.

Blair Underwood Cast As Solid, Reliable Dude

This week, We Hate Movies submits to a Brainscan! Edward Furlong is our voyeuristic hero, the Trickster is probably not going to be the next Freddy, and Frank Langella just needs some time to get back on his feet. Now if you'll excuse me, I just have to mail out these CD-ROMs…wait, it's Columbus Day? That's a bullshit…

How dare these books be comic!