He's a kung-fu billionaire.

Lt. Columbo.  Somebody's got to get all these famous, wealthy murderers off the streets.

I'm not exactly the target demographic for this show, but I'll probably give it a shot for Fox, Marie, and the Bunk.

Species has an inexplicably good cast for a movie primarily about aliens, boobs, and alien boobs.  Ben Kingsley, Forest Whitaker, Alfred Molina…

Okay, *now* We Hate Movies is really back.  This week, Stallone battles Lithgow in Cliffhanger! Best parts: death by stalactite, the surliness of Rex Linn, and Stallone's solo album.  Also: what's so special about Paul Winfield?

There have been two different Jesters - the one killed in Civil War was Jody Putt, who I think first showed up in an issue of Cloak & Dagger in the '80s.  The original Jester is Jonathan Powers, who in recent years puked up a demon baby, had the crap beaten out of him by the Superior Spider-Man, and presumably was the…

I think you mean "Dan leads, Elliott does machines".

The wait is over!  We Hate Movies returns!  The gang returns to the white guy karate well for Only The Strong…uh, except it's capoeira instead of karate, and the delightful ethnic melange of Mark Dacascos instead of a white guy.  It's nice that their return involved a movie they could solidly recommend, but…I have to…

Oh, wait, you're right.  They're back on tonight.

One more week until WHM returns!  Maybe it would be a perfect time for a podcast column to start covering it.

Man, that vampire hospital episode.  Chilling.

I'm not gonna turn down steak because it's not lobster.

If by "somehow stupider" you mean "exponentially more awesome", then yes.  Arnim Zola is a Kirby fever dream.

Surely I can't be the first to dub this Giamatti Vice.

Well, in a nutshell, Dr. Octopus pulled a brain switcheroo on Spider-Man; his mind now inhabits Spider-Man's body, and Peter Parker's brain ended up in Ock's busted-ass body, which promptly died. Octavius got all of Parker's memories of love and loss and heroism before Pete kicked the bucket, though, and thus he's now…

Ajax, I don't know how to tell this to you, and I don't know how you missed this, but Spider-Man is absolutely not the wise-cracking wall-crawler you're familiar with right now.

This week, on WHM Classic - it's Hulk Hogan's wrasslin' masterpiece No Holds Barred!  Is professional wrestling real?  Did Kurt Fuller keep that Kurt Fuller bust?  And what's that smell?

I kind of just want Billy West in heavy Nixon makeup, rambling about selling children's organs to zoos for meat.

Guantanamera, guajira guantanamera…

J. Jonah Jameson, but only if Jeff Parker is in attendance.