I like this tip because you also get cookies.

I like this tip because you also get cookies.

I appreciate this comment SO damn much.

Having manners is literally a virtue, kiddo.

The Fraser films are gold and any attempt to outdo them was clearly going to fail. Even the much-maligned third film (which I personally think is still rather good) is miles better than anything cookie-cutter Cruise film.

Former server here. If I never hear “Can I get...” again, it will be too soon. “May I please have...” is only ONE more syllable. You have the time, I promise.

I think there’s a difference when speaking to a coworker instead of, like, an employee of a store/restaurant you’re patronizing. I still try and do please and thank you in those cases, but not with every line like I do with my waitress.

I wish people would leave him alone on this. That wasn’t a situation where asking for a hug made sense, and it’s always okay for someone to turn down a hug even if it is one where hugs are normally given. It’s also fine that he doesn’t know who Kesha is. They’re not even in similar fields of entertainment.

All these traitors need to get frog-marched out of Washington in chains. 

A good amount of this could be wrapped up in a bow of ‘don’t come across as judgmental’ which is great advice. There are quite a few family members I’ve spent less and less time with over the years because it felt like every aspect of my life was under the microscope with questions like these. My wife and I dated five…

Small talk about family sometimes reveals that my brother is deceased. The appropriate response is NOT “How did he die?” That’s happened enough times that unless you’ve been upgraded from acquaintance to friend, I’m an only child as far as you’re concerned.

Retire, old man, you’re fucking useless. You can cluck your dessicated tongue and wag your bony finger at Trump’s antics all you want, but you don’t actually do a goddamn thing about it.

I miss Charlie.

So a couple things. First, wow, the specificity here. Telling him to get down on all fours because he’s vermin?!?! This is not something that comes to you in the heat of the moment. This is shit you have to ruminate on.

No, we press him to death with large stones, like civialized Christians.

I don’t care who, don’t hug me. People no matter how low or how famous are entitled to personal space. The whole “where’s my hug” mentality is pervasive.

If he floats, he is a witch! So we drown him.

We need to start conducting this witch hunt properly—we’ll throw Trump in a lake and, if he drowns, he’s innocent.

Ok but if she loves Jerry Seinfeld, then she knows he is not gonna hug her. Or anyone.