They don’t answer the phone “What’s your emergency” for nothing. If it’s not a life-threatening event or a serious crime in progress, don’t use 911. At best, you’re wasting their time and at worst you’re diverting the first responders from real emergencies.

Amen. I’ve called 911 twice in recent memory, once when I witnessed a homeless (or at least mentally disturbed) individual wandering around in the middle of traffic on I-95 in the Bronx and once when my (white) neighbors were having a domestic dispute complete with a guy swinging a bat and screaming.

I’ve got a fraternity brother whose nickname is Twist, for similar reasons.

For what it’s worth, my wife kept her last name, and when the kids were young always kept copies of the birth certificates and our marriage license in her wallet, just in case.

Please note the conspicuous absence of pineapple anywhere near this “pizza.” Which is as it should be.

I love me some jalapenos, but those have no business being anywhere near a proper bagel. Acceptable topping variations are plain, sesame, poppy, salt, garlic, onion, and everything. Egg and pumpernickel are also fine and, if push comes to shove, I’ll give you the cinnamon raisin if you need something on the sweeter…

Damn, this hits too close to home. My family has a long history of mental illness, and I have a wife and a kid who both suffer from crushing depression, and both of them are reluctant to seek help outside of medication. Thanks for baring your soul here, and reminding us that there’s a way up and out.

One great thing about living/working in NYC is the proliferation of great lamb dishes, from the mutton chop at Keen’s to the street meat from one of the myriad Halal carts. Also, this:

Next time you’re in NYC, head to Keen’s. I almost always end up ordering the mutton chop (even if it might not truly be mutton).

I’m all about Dr. Bronner’s. The $10 bottle lasts me at least 6 months, and just a few drops is all you need for tons of lather.

+1 Duck.

A fraternity brother of mine survived an aortic dissection (and 14-months later, an aneurysm that required immediate surgery). If Mike wants someone to talk to about the recovery process, I’d be happy to put them in touch (Joel is a great guy who happens to review movies for a living).

“[W]e know that it was us who scorched the sky.” This ends poorly, coppertop.

+1 Rumpy tail whip-crack.

Typically (a) no air conditioning in the summer; (b) smelly/aggressive homeless guys; or (c) all of the above.

One particular 3-day yontiv I picked up a copy of a Ramban Haggadah, which has the most detailed discourses on various mitzvot and prohibitions I could find. Seriously, I knew I’d be bored and wanted something to pass the time. Best part was the ruler on the back cover to be sure you were getting your two k’zaysim for…

I agree, but hell if I’m going to use a hair dryer (because a. Balding and B. Wife would kill me if I took hers anywhere near a raw chicken). Go with Kenji on this one; have tried, and it works amazingly well:

I have only one Lord and Savior:

+1 Way Cool