Mayo on a hot dog is fucking foul.

I would have no problem being sexually abused if it meant I got to ride in an F50

But do we have any details on that MKIII Supra in the background of one of those pictures

That's what he gets for driving a V6 Mustang

Shut up nerd

People fly more than once. A single person can be a passenger multiple times, so your total number of passengers can exceed the total population.

No, because he's a fucktard and left all the papers in the car.

Heh heh. Shamelessly giggled at "ten decadent inches"

It was filled with detergent because crack heads can use detergent as currency for drugs.

No, seriously. They can steal the detergent from ANY store with minimal effort and barter with it. Everyone needs detergent, even crack dealers. Plus, you can drive around with mass quantities of drugs and detergent and not…

Shut up, hippie

Well, all but one of them

Fuck this, I'm an American, I don't need to eat third world bullshit

There’s a color called “Yellow Tang,” so, yeah, I’m getting mine in that. I love Tang

I agree. If I’m going to hold a knob in my hand, it better be a knob that I enjoy holding for prolonged periods of time. I want to think about that knob, and know that it’s just for me. I want that knob to be a special, unique knob. I want to yearn for, and miss that knob. Even now, I’m thinking about the big red knob…

THANK YOU FOR PERSERVING THE INTERNET'S DIGNITY AND YES I SPELLED THAT WORD WRONG TO MESS WITH YOUR NATTERING INSENIBILITIES

Fuck the Giants.

Sincerely,

A Jealous, Bitter, and Disgruntled A's Fan

Hi, welcome to Jalopnik, where weird shit matters and crash safety does not. I will be your guide.

That statement is still, to this day, 100% factual.

Your nattering insouciance gave me a headache

I need a job. I have four degrees and can send you a resume. I’m also a millennial piece of shit, but I'll do anything you want me to