Do you rake them like some sort of savage, or did you cut down all the trees in your yard?

You win!

You win!

The manager of my local autozone is a little bitty brunette who knows her shit.

I just get super drunk and stumble home at 4am like usual but this time I manage to vomit into the sink instead of our bed.

I just get super drunk and stumble home at 4am like usual but this time I manage to vomit into the sink instead of…

Easy, a Yugo. They will think that is our best technology and they will only send their low tier troops to destroy us. They wouldn’t take us seriously, giving us a chance.

Easy answer, with proven success: Winnebago

According to Politico, the cabinet’s response to the growing opioid crisis “has been to call for a border wall and to promise a ‘just say no’ campaign.”

I’m just going to go to the store and buy chocolate on the 15th anyway.

I’m just going to go to the store and buy chocolate on the 15th anyway.

You have the understand, at the time, the concerns was really the crips/bloods. So in an enemy-of-my-enemy type way, it made sense to accommodate/arm MS-13. Think of it as the Taliban fighting the Russians, except in Los Angeles, and with more delicious pupusas.

I’d make a joke here, but I don’t want to be unkind to horses.

Hey, he’s done more than that! As I recall, he raped some women, too!

Boehner was usually the one scribbling stuff on the back of cocktail napkins.

Donnie Dotard is absolutely hoping for a government shutdown. It’s like a snow day for him where he can stay home from Presidenting and watch TV all day!

If we have to shut it down because the Democrats don’t want safety

Everything in that picture should be outlawed.

...including fixing MS-13 loopholes...

Call me a cynic, but when The Guardian snapped her up for a column right after she finished Bake Off (and she didn’t win, remember) it seemed to me that being incredibly photogenic might well have had a lot to do with her success. The uglies never get their own columns / book deals, do they? So her tweet about those…

So I understand that barstool is filled with creeps, but are you not going to address the accusations that Greg Howard assaulted Beejoli Shah at one of your work events? Seems a little worse than saying a 16 year old is hot.

Whoever thought that was a good headline to describe her (namely “most viral girl”) needs to go fuck themselves and die of syphilis.