Goon party games are great. Again, can’t be explained to Americans... “So you need a Hills Hoist...” “What’s that?”

I don’t use a lot of idioms but my older brother... let’s just say when he visited me in America I practically served as a translator. Some of them are amazing (the Germans rock at idioms, too... “um, did you just say you could steal horses with him?” “Yeah. It means he’s a good guy.” “Oh, okay then.”)

I’m not fond of them either, but they’re definitely used by a different sort than say “champers.” I usually say “sparkling” if I’m not being presumptuous about my chances of getting “real champagne” but I might say “bubbles” in the context of “wait, it’s so-and-so’s birthday, we should start with some bubbles.” It’s a…

If you are Australian and you drink wine daily (as most middle-class Aussies do, and... we are basically all middle-class) you will only hear “Cabernet Sauvignon” at a wine tasting at a winery, in a hushed voice and accompanied by some divine chèvre.

Visiting Chinese wine importers who want to impress their Australian partners. Sometimes I’m having dinner with the right people.

We have our bogans, but...

Agree with Bollinger or GTFO. Can also enjoy Veuve Clicquot. Dom Perignon is too sweet for my tastes, Moët is overpriced even in America where it’s stupidly cheap (as is Bollinger, one reason to like being a duel citizen) and the stuff people rap about? Cristal tastes like vomit with bubbles, fight me.

Serious answer: no Australian with any dignity would drink either. Even if the alternative was an Australian’s worst nightmare, not drinking.

I couldn’t care less about the Melbourne cup now that I’m out of primary school and we don’t get to pick a horse out of a hat.

Australia does have some very decent sparkling wines, especially if (like any reasonable person) you prefer a drier sparkling. Sparkling reds (mostly Pinot noir or Shiraz) are quite the fad here at the moment too, and some of them aren’t terrible. (Which in Aussie = “are good”)

Why... why would you EVER drink a glass of Yellow? I’m a borderline alcoholic and I wouldn’t touch that if the only other alcohol available was in my nail polish remover.

I’m an Aussie that hates the c-word, but for politicians... I make exceptions.

“Brekkie” is sacred! Are you American? Because as an Australian-American duel citizen, I declare that a people who shorten McDonald’s to “Mickey Dees” and not “Maccas” have no right to complain about (half) my people!

Shampers. Like shampoo. But please don’t say that. The appropriately posh shortening (we’re Aussies, we shorten everything... and that’s pronounced Ozzies, not Ossies, BTW) is “bubbles” or “bubbly.” Champers = bogan, “Bubbles” = not bogan. No, I don’t know why.

Fellow Aussie. Champers I recognize, Savvie Bee? I’m punching that person in the face.

“Cab sav” and “sauv blanc” (don’t ask me why one is sav and one is sauv, they just are) are the most common ways you’ll hear people ask for those wines in Australia. If I heard someone say “I’m looking for a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon” I’d laugh and tell my friends.

Tell me this is not real.

My best friends in elementary school were girl-boy twins, let’s called them “Jane” and “John.” Jane was always a little bit the evil twin... age 14 rolled around, John came out, Jane declared he was a disgusting POS and stopped speaking to him, things were very awful until John was old enough to move out (even though…

So age 14-30 was the blip and the last three years (with a child who sleeps in my bed) is my true dating style? Nah. Serial monogamists still know when something (or in my case, a small someone) needs them a lot more than they need a man... well, you’d have to hope so, anyway.

Becky here. I lived for 10 years in LA (Hollywood, specifically... both place and clique) and am mostly just amazed these people bothered with anonymity! I remember going to a book club to discuss “The Help.” As a recent immigrant to the US, that book drove me insane, and I assumed we would be talking about how…