BUT HE’LL LAND ON HIS FEET

“We once had an uncle who was a literal Nazi but this baby between consenting adults is the worst disgrace this family has ever seen.”- The Queen, probably.

I’m a guy, and this horrifies me more than I can express.

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

Filed to: CRETINS WITH DICKS

Realizing that me bitching about rave style coming back is like my mom bitching about me wearing bell bottoms in 9th grade, so I’ll just shut up now, but still get off my lawn.

1/2 your age + 7. He is fine.

I really hope this isn’t true. I can’t stomach another story about some way way older dude banging some real hot young chick again.

Rita Ora.

Well she went to school with my great aunt, who’s 82, so. She’s also 82. There. Mystery solved again.

So Bey went to school with my buddy, and my buddy is my age, and Bey was a junior when my friend was a freshman, so. She’s 37. There. Mystery solved.

Wow, all the first comments are in favor of permanent, lifetime punishment. Murderers don’t receive this kind of treatment after their release from jail. What he did was horrible and he deserves to serve some time in jail and lose his college acceptance to Harvard. However, I have to believe in the possibility of…

Somewhat unrelated: it always amazes me just how much Mariska Hargitay looks like her mother. For the longest time I didn’t know she was Jayne Mansfield’s daughter and now I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.

Sophia always been a hater.

People who say that are always the worst drama-creating fucklords.

That’s like my daughter. She doesn’t whine. She insists.

all they need to say is ‘stop being such a little shit’ or something like that (as long as the kid can’t read)

They get away with it because every story is true. Tabloids are real.

It’s difficult to find the words to express how much I enjoy Midweek Madness. Which is saying something, since I’m a lawyer and get paid to speak about random shit off the cuff.