I don’t get it. Is the complaint that we don’t eat the whole shark?

Allow me to complain about girl’s costumes too... my five-year-old daughter absolutely loves the cartoon Teen Titans Go. It is her favorite show by far. She’s constantly playing Teen Titans when she’s outside running around. She’s always Starfire, who is her favorite, I’m always Robin and my wife is always Raven. She…

How the fuck did someone report a screaming, bloody woman trying to escape over an 8ft fence and the police didn't respond until the next fucking day???

Court records show he will appear in Los Angeles Superior Court on October 19.

I’m pregnant, I drink with dinner, eat lunch meat, drink coffee and GASP! Don’t need anyone’s advice, because I have educated myself on the risks. Thank yoooou.

Oh also want to add: this isn't a nickname of mine or even a nickname story in general, but when my sister was doing her student teaching 12 years ago she was taking attendance on the first day and she got to a name that stumped her entirely, it was spelled: "Shithead" No fucking joke. She didn't say it out loud, and…

What’s-His-Name’s given name is Frederic. His family and all his friends call him “Rick.” WHY I DO NOT KNOW WHY. When we started dating, I started calling him “Freddie” and that’s what all of MY friends and family call him. So when we’re in mixed company, he’s “What’s-His-Name” because nobody knows what to call him.

Everyone will call my child Liz for short and when someone asks if her full name is Elizabeth she will have to answer “No, it’s Lizard.”

Are you a fan of La cité des enfants perdus (The City of Lost Children), by any chance?

Yeah so when I lost my virginity, I didn’t bleed. My boyfriend yelled at me and accused me of lying to him (I didn’t). I cried and felt terrible...for being a (cis) female. Yay! PS I came out a few years later...thank God I realized I’m gay.

We named our baby daughter Miette, which is actually a pet name in France. So it’s a bit like if someone in France named their kid Darling or Pooky or something. Also, it’s a word that we don’t really have an english word for, loosely translating to “crumb”.

I knew all of this going into it, and I don’t care what the…

I'm naming my kid Macaroni. Everyone will call him that, or Mac for short. That is, if I ever get to have a kid. Whether its a boy or girl, Macaroni.

Um, I’m okay with MRAs narrowing their chances of marrying/fucking any women at all. This sounds like risk reduction.

“But here’s the thing, ok? No one gives a fuck.” You’re my kind of charming, no shit.

Right? I met my boyfriend in a bar, we got drunk and talked about Lord of the Rings. Then we made out.

Never get drunk at a silent auction

I was enjoying a few cocktails and was binge-watching game of thrones one snowy day off and decided I needed a wine horn (those cool things they drink wine out of on the show.) So I fire up the internet and order myself one. I somehow ordered it from like a remote-village in africa and it cost over 80 dollars in…

“You will be hungry in an hour.”

What are the odds of BOTH parents dying at once? Even if something that awful DID happen, you’d have the perfect sitcom pitch. “What happens when two selfish MILLENIALS have to care for seven grief-stricken orphans? HILARITY! That’s what.”