Marry Krampus

I don’t believe in the existence of Christians. All the evidence points away from their being real.

Just more upstanding scholar-athletes. Fine Young Men, every one of them.

*... traded by students like Pokemon trading cards...*

Its also a beverage.

Sigh. If only it could have been Sid the Science Kid . . .

She’s sexy Dutch-accented rabbitgirl Chewbacca. What’s not to like?

Fran can nibble my carrot anytime she wants.

Oh it gets more lurid than that: I had a boss once—tailored suit, leather armchair, framed MBA, sufficiently high-falutin he had no computer in his office—who had his fraternity paddle mounted on the wall. Yes, this captain of industry liked everyone to see and admire the ash wood stick which, upon occasion, he once…

Pfft, like he’s ever eaten anything HALF as lean as a game animal.

I was at a work conference and the American Loss Prevention Association was setting up a coffee table in an adjacent hall at the convention center. I walked over and took a donut.

You’ve got to admire the inventor of coffee, ‘cause damn if it isn’t a VERY counter-intuitive thing. Like:

Hey, here’s a fun activity: Post the video game title that most accurately describes your current love/sex life.

Have you all considered just going outside instead?

By modern American standards, I am a wild, dangerous iconoclast: I have no piercings or tattoos whatsoever and I assume my pubic hair is there for a good reason.

These are folk who would really love to make 45K a year but haven’t ever quite gotten there.

I always like to imagine that Marilyn Monroe is not, in fact, standing over a heating grate, but rather is just letting a really rich one rip.

Some people just hate rolls and bread.

“I NEED BUTTER!!”

My wife had an interesting playbook: Study real hard for tests, but never do homework (at least not in high school).