I really want this to be a true story.

A testicle got stuck in a butthole.

The third or so time I had sex with a new guy I was really into, I was on top and was riding pretty hard, and smashed my face into his forehead by accident. And got a bloody nose. And bled all over him and his bedsheets.

Broke my hand hitting it against the nightstand. While I was house sitting for my boss. In my boss’s bed. I’m a terrible house sitter.

Torn foreskin... that wasn’t pretty but we kept our calm there was blood everywhere. and I had texted my feminist collective earlier stating that I would be arriving late to our meeting because I was hum... entering the bone zone. Fair to say that I didn’t make it to the meeting and my message to warn them was like…

My husband and I had just finished dinner, which he cooked because he's a professional chef and I haven't cooked a meal in two years. Anyway, we start to get frisky, are naked and fooling around. I start noticing this burning feeling in my nether regions, but it's not too bad, so we keep going. But then it just keeps…

I get foot cramps a lot, this one time I got a foot cramp, rolled over in pain and knocked my head off the night stand, I didn’t know what to grab and my partner just laughed awkwardly trying to make me feel better. I was mortified at the time.

Fractured my elbow in a three some. The doctor who looked at me was convinced that my boyfriend was abusing me and was extremely rude to me the entire time. The radiologist had a good laugh when I told him how I got my injury. It’s been seven years and I still find it hilarious.

He was stimulating me manually, missed, and his fingernail cut me deeply in that area between the vagina and the clit. It hurt, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until after we finished, looked down, and it looked like there’d been a f*cking surgery—there was blood everywhere. He suggested maybe I was on my period,…

A Story of Few Words: A Sexy Haiku

Seems silly to me at this point. She’s going to spend most of her adult life in prison, and the military probably doesn’t want this to be more of a public issue, so why not just give her what she wants?

WHY? Why do they care how long her hair is? Unless the objective is to humiliate her.

Totally stealing the term " farthuffer" I know some peoples to whom it's very very applicable

It's a vegan rennet used to separate the milk solids from the whey specifically used for cheddar type cheeses and whoe I know know wwaaaaaaaaaaay too much about that!!! ;P

Oh, I might have to start

Sending out my wedding invites next week... totally gonna send one to the Obamas.

I’ve read that if you send your wedding invitation to the White House they’ll send you a card—maybe it works for birthday invites, too?

this is one of my favorite gifs of all time