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goddamn goddamn goddamn!

goddang that frosting, jeeeeeeeeez, A++++

TRUMP VS. KOCH: WHOEVER WINS, WE LOSE

I would fucking love the opportunity to forget about Sean Hannity.

Sam, be honest, did no one copy-edit this

I told myself that I would make it to Rihanna and I did and then they killed her off and I was mad. 

Okay Nose Fridas are great for clearing your kid’s nose but can we talk about how they are definitely also a great way to make sure that you, the user, immediately get sick as well?

.... that was in May of last year? 

THERE IT IS. I was trying desperately to think of a dumb movie I’d watched, and Valerian was definitely it.

lol he doesn’t have the range

a $15,000 coat “made from an ostrich,”

you’re not a gardener if the knees of your jeans aren’t completely wrecked by the time you’re done. Never mind that her back’s gonna be a mess from all that hunching over. *kisses teeth*

He can’t spend money on a good camera, he has to save it to violate campaign finance laws with

oh no not my vaginal lasers, whatever will I do :’(

. . . Death of a Salesman? and I’m sorry, I guess?

*whispers* you could stake it, though...

“I am not a racist. Nobody believes families should be separated.”

I am very much a picker and would absolutely pluck myself bald like an idiot, so I appreciate the warning. 

a weird fetish for self-aggrandizing dudes with slicked-back hair?