I might have switched it up with "I Second that Emulsion" but yours is funny as hell!

Planet, Shmanet, Janet!

I was forced to give up my trusty old IBM 101 because I typed too loud.

"I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here."

I don't think it matters much. The time saved is in how many people can stow their bags and find their seats simultaneously. Did you watch the video on the site I linked to? It explains better than I could.

You asked, I answered.

Require parents with children to sit in the cargo hold. :-D

Really. I would prefer to minimize the amount of time I spend on an airplane. Forget boarding first, I would rather be the last one on before they close the door.

Actually, the most efficient way to board an aircraft is to start with the window seats, then the middle seats, then the aisle seats last.

From high school prankster to college rapist? This practically defines "too much of a stretch."

I think it was funny. People need to lighten up.

If the students are stupid enough, they'll spend the rest of the day looking for the nonexistent pig #3.

Not true. It's not the most efficient method, but eating raw weed will certainly get you high.

Literally, the ONLY thing I know about Ottumwa, is that he was from there.

Yes, sure, but there are few things more satisfying than a well nursed grudge.

Please. I don't think I could adhere to a 72-second waiting period, let alone 72 hours.

But because of legislation like this, you have to drive 4 hours to get to the clinic. Now they want you to wait three days and then make the trek again?

You're right, of course. But when the hivemind decides you're wrong, there's just no changing its mind.

Faint praise? It's fast food pizza, it's a piece of flatbread with sauce and cheese. It's dirt cheap. It's not high quality pizza and it shouldn't be compared to it. That's why I said for what it is, it's not bad. How is that faint praise? Also, delivery fee?