“They’re too immature.” - Man who at 39 got drunk, crashed his car into a telephone pole and then fled into the woods.

When I was a kid, my brother got away with everything. He would instigate, I would retaliate, and then I’d be the one who got punished for it. I knew it was because he was the baby of the family, but it still made me mad.

This is why I don’t dunk. This right here.

Sorry Samer. This is peak Singletary.

Austin Rivers (I know, not coaching, but it’s so egregious)

Why would the Wizards retire the jersey number of Nets and Clippers legend Paul Pierce?

I’m still protesting no George Muresan jersey.

...you both sound like pleasant people...

All the attempted jokes in here are really bad and dumb, too. Like... read the room, you jamokes. I don’t have a problem with gallows humor, but you best come correct if you try it, and a story like this sets an extremely high bar.

Maybe a bit more actually. I’ve been estimating peoples’ weight for 24 years (back country pilot) and have got damned good at it. I’d book him at 260, and only because he’s Mr. Stay Puft. If he had some muscle under that cellulite beyond the bare minimum for locomotion, 275 all day long.

Damn Afflalo, you got Serb’d! 

It’s an obvious tell that he’s one pound shy of the number that would classify him as obese according to the chart. I’m confident that they shaved the number down from whatever it is to 239.

Yeah, Flintstone.

It’s zero. Donald is not trying to be the best at exercising.

What was Marge Schott? I think that is the most accurate physical comparison.

Coldstone.

No way he’s under 275. He’s probably 6' 1", three bills.

Toronto I could see, although it’s very likely that they’ll have to do it by beating Boston at home, but Milwaukee? They’re currently down 2-1 in the regular season series against Boston, they’re stuck in the lower rungs of the playoff pictures, and they’re coached by Jason Kidd. I don’t see this team making the ECF.

“This is exactly how the Persians took Thermopylae.”