The Shawshank Redemption, which is not a good movie at all, but actually a bad one.

Carol

If a shoe and apparel company wants advertising on the site in association with a viral hoax they can call our sales department.

Sadly, not the first bridge/water to suffer structural damage in Minnesota.

You just described “Yankees fans” and “Mets fans”, respectively.

Can’t

You have never hung out with a baseball player.

“They only showed him kill that guy on replay” is my favorite comeback of all time now. Find that hill and die on it, buddy.

EMMA CARMICHAEL: I didn’t really believe we could sustain four full days of content. And yet...

Something about this story doesn’t smell right. I mean, Lochte is no whiz kid, but how is “they were asked to use the bathroom” where this story starts? Something pissed off either the gas station or the swimmers before that. And then why leak the robbery story? Did someone text them “ur in trouble” and they did that…

LAWYER: You can never go back to Brazil.
Lochte: Man, but I really enjoyed Europe!

If you like unwritten rules, track cycling is the sport for you! There’s all kinds of regulations and rules about where you should be and when. Which makes sense when you’re elbow to elbow going 35mph with no brakes.

This team is so shitty, the fans can taste it from the parking lot

ah, Lincoln’s death has worked out fine for me. he might’ve gotten his photo on currency had he lived, but he never woulda got a memorial like the one he did, and the Lincoln Memorial at night is the greatest place ever, and i likely never woulda read his words since we’re way likelier to be forced to read the words…

One day. ‘Til then:

This dish should be called Albacore Beaneko