I'm an Eagles fan and I live in Philly. 99% of the stories listed above just didn't happen. It can get rowdy, especially in the years of the Vet, but it's not that much different from other cities inside the stadium. The parking lots can get a little rough, and the scene isn't for kids, but these stories are…

Listen, you assholes. Vanilla ice cream, from a tub of vanilla ice cream, is good. In a tub of Neapolitan ice cream, however, nobody but psychotics and Nazis goes for the vanilla first.

Whatever Deadspin. Just stick to snake fucking.

He prefers to call it his "practice pond."

Beat part is that Jolie Kerr is not my real name and yet you're the suspect one.

Last year David Aardsma (pitching for the Mets at the time) tweeted that his bed was stolen from his new apartment in New York (weird, right?). It happened after he blew a save, so I said if he blows one again I'm coming back for the dresser. He blew it that night, and blocked me.

I laughed so hard it left a Trail of Tears.

I'd be sad, too. History, recent or otherwise, hasn't shown Washington to be very hospitable to Indians.

Vodka Samm is growing up so fast.

Yuengling? Go to hell and die.

When that prompter turns off, she turns into Kyle Mooney. Seriously, that's just how she talks.

Sam and Max.

Parents Night is dreadful. Last year I was singled out by a teacher in a room full of judgmental parents because my 3rd grader, for the "art show", drew a picture of a chicken giving a horse a hand-job. Seriously. I have the photo prove it if you provide me with an e-mail to send it. When I got home, I feared…

I read the article in 2:00 minutes (800 WPM, Rx)

WHEN IS BURNEKO GOING TO POST ANOTHER RECIPE? MY FAMILY IS STARVING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE!?!

Pat actually apologized to me during commercial break. He may be outspoken about homosexuality but when confronted with it head on he was very nice. I think next time I'm on TV YourTatoosAreLame can be my stylist. Seems he has more fashion sense than this homosexual. #yourtattoosarefaaaaaaabulouuuuusss

...just not this one.