I guarantee no hypothetical Peeple reviewer could eviscerate me as thoroughly as I could. And probably would, considering the direction any attempts to describe myself tend to go in.

I’ve spent my entire life leaving bad reviews about myself, I mean, once my badness was drilled into me by my parents: 1. A bit bipolar 2. I’m a phony, but a real phony. 3. Substance issues galore!!! 4. Lazy 5. Not as clever as I think I am. 6. Everyone is looking at me! 7. I'm hopeless with puzzles, and not the…

Is it just me, or are there some moments in the first video where she looks like she’s about to crack up? Like, it’s the half-smile of someone who knows how ridiculous she sounds but is trying to power through it. Lends credence to the “this is all one big hoax” idea. Here’s a shot of what I mean:

“CARS KILL PEOPLE TOO. DO YOU WANT TO BAN CARS?”

Don’t worry everyone, I’m sure some of GM’s one-issue assholes will be along presently to remind us that an amendment passed 200+ years ago by slave-owning misogynist pricks is more sacrosanct than these lives.

“But-but the Constitution” ... No. Seriously, no. Stop treating the Constitution like it’s infalliable. It’s not. The Second Ammendment was poorly worded, and it needs to be re-written. Badly.

Yeah but I like my guns and my son uses them to shoot clay pigeons and I will fight to the death to see that his hobby is protected, so... sorry these kids got shot.*

249 stuffs.

“Stuff Happens”

I like the Canadian “First Nations” when a term to refer to the pre-colonization inhabitants of the country as a whole is needed. I’m with you on the using the specific national name when possible though.

Exactly. White people.

Perfect!

It's mainly the Fox News demographic that’s going to pop their sphincters over this.

Hey! Columbus may have had his flaws, but if he hadn’t played his part in exterminating an entire continent’s worth of people, we might not have the wonderful luxuries we do today.

What? If we don’t spend every year celebrating an Italian guy who never discovered anything and never set foot on our continent, what will America have become?!

Meanwhile, I have prepared this for my Facebook feed on the last Thursday of the month, because I am a Downer of Deborah-style proportions.

Cool.

Aw. Poor white people. :(

The Oatmeal tackles the absurdity of Columbus Day pretty well.