Well, at least I’m not ignorant of blatant sarcasm.

After Deflategate broke he quoted My Cousin Vinnie in the presser.

For some reason I feel like Belichick watches some stupid movie from back in the day, like 1994's The Mask, and just rolls with laughter. And one day, someone’s going to quote it in front of him and unlock a side of him we’ve never seen.

As a disturbing aside, imagine what sex is like for him.

Man, the palpable fucking fear in that press room.
And these pressers are BB when he’s actually forced to be nice, or at least have enough decorum for TV
Can you imagine what it’s like in a team meeting where he is basically an unsackable god?
All that anger and GFY answers, he can’t give to reporters, gets bottled up to…

Belichick thoroughly broke down

No, I am not seriously defending Heath Evans. I would have that the use of “goldurn” — a word that cannot be used seriously — would have been an indication that this comment was not serious.

You’re legitimately not breaking that to me. Growing up in Oklahoma, the nexus of faith and football was hard to avoid, as was the undercurrent that most of it was bullshit.

Just shoot the hypocrisy into my veins.

Of course they do. The difference is secularists don’t really claim that the revealed word of not-God lifts them up and gives them a mission in life, or that without secularism they wouldn’t be where they are today. They don’t thank secularism for all the blessings in their lives.

No, they just do it much less hypocritically.

He always looks like he’s on the virge of a major meat-sweat:

I saw Heath Evans on the NFL Network for the first time recently discussing Odell Beckham’s Instagram post showing Tom Brady tantrums. Took me about 15 seconds to guess that he was a sexual harasser and phony Christian. And I’m not particularly quick.

Yeah, never quite got around to it. It was too difficult getting it out from under all the painfully obvious sarcasm.

I hate to tell you, Emma, but Heath Evans is a goldurn Christian.

who hurt you so badly? your pain is very evident.

I feel like ultimately this has comed down to People Taking This Seriously vs. Everyone Else.

I hate it when people use the, “don’t be a victim” phrase. It devalues the emotions someone is feeling and makes you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. You can be a victim and be strong and courageous. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

At least you got her name right. Unlike some people...

I must be an unfashionable person. Every time we have one of these posts, I almost universally hate everything the writer loves and love everything the writer is meh about. Also, Leslie Jones looks AMAZING.