The New York Post has always been a bastion of evil headlines, but "Ike Beats Tina, To Death" when Ike died… amazing.

It was supposed the Summer Of Sevenfold!

'The Verdict Was Mail Fraud'

I feel that way whenever I'm alone in what is normally a bustling place. There's always a nagging feeling that I'm some place I'm not supposed to be, or there's some holiday everyone remembered but me.

*Shoots heavy-set woman with tranquilizer cuff link; nearly kills Reggie Jackson in process.*

JIMMY'S GOT A COMPOUND FRACTURE!

Having me degree opened a lot of doors that would have been closed otherwise, but honestly, college was a four-year resort for me. It's no wonder it's so expensive; it's the most fun a kid can have at that age.

What about a pinkish hue?

"A prestige drama with no prestige? OH! NO!!!!!"

We don't serve Duff, we serve FUD!

As soon as they announced Qatar as the host country, I wondered "huh, wonder what that cost in bribes and/or degrading sex acts."

Nice. My MacFarlane hate boner is quite turgid at this news.

I have 99 problems. Sadly, many are bitch-related. :(

"Rue the day?" Who talks like that?

They're not officially divorced yet, are they? Trudy can buy a lot of cake with her 1.5 million plus after she flushes the little turd.

In a perfect world, Tatiana Maslany wins the Emmy this year, and Moss wins it during Mad Men's Emmy Farewell Tour.

"The time is now - we will blow up the moon!"

Nice; I was sick of only getting five hours of Bing Bang re-runs a day. PILE IT ON.

Oh, you'll hear insults like that. You'll be told that you look like you're having a fit and/or convulsion, or that you appear to be in pain.

It is, actually! Permit me to demonstrate: