“Hey! Wait! I filed a dumb complaint.”

“How is it their fault...?”

Hook the bartender up with some blow.

Chewy Chips Ahoy have always been pretty gross, in my recollection; I’ve always preferred Keebler Soft Batch, personally, since they’re soft but still cooked to a nice golden brown.

That’s a clown offer, bro

I have a group text with my siblings and mom and the last conversation on there was me sending a picture of a sex toy I found on the sidewalk near my house and my mom saying “I don’t think I needed to see that,” then my brother sending a picture of a toy someone bought for his daughter that looks just like a vibrator.…

Hughes still has that wrestling mindset— he thinks every time he breaks the restraining order he gets one point.

Before everyone gets all CTE crazy, Matt Hughes has always been a giant douchebag prone to violence.

I mean, you say your kids are cool, but are they so cool you want to fuck them?  

On pace for maiming 365 reporters this year, beating the previous record of 289 by the Saudi crown prince!

To me, that’s the unsavoury part of this. If an overmatched skier from Tibet gets to the Olympics despite facilities or coaching or funding and represents his country gamely, fair ball, that’s the Olympics ideal. But this dilettante gamed the system in a way that only a 1%er could, by flying all over the world at the…

As a Vikings fan, the karma for the Saints’ headhunting in ‘09 has now been paid off.

Kyrie Irving to Paris Saint Germain.