Do I even want to know what fake sausage is?

Personally, I think that was an excellent application of tire-based humor...

When a ‘90s Malibu needs new tires, I’m pretty sure it’s considered totaled.

If you know what this video is, it’s probably time for you to watch it again anyway.

I’ve never even heard of a fried steak with brown gravy. Is that a thing?

I like throwing this fact out there whenever the subject comes up.

• Remember, more sipes = more better. Why buy expensive tires when you can buy cheap tires and have them siped?

White, with a goodly amount of pepper.

There is one kind of steak for which only one sauce is appropriate. That steak is chicken-fried, and that sauce is gravy.

I’ve got this one pair of cargo pants that are almost my favorite pants ever, except that the pockets are made of some kind of mesh material. I can see how that would be great if I were working on the ground in a sandy area all the time, but I’m not, so the mesh just keeps snagging on my keys. I’ve seriously…

If you ever, for any reason, think to yourself, “Crap, I’ve run out of things to be angry about,” do a little reading on what civil asset forfeiture actually means.

“You can invest in RFID-blocking wallets, purposes and passport cases.”

OK, that is a great idea.

Sour cream in a squeeze bottle sounds like a great idea, but also kind of not. A day or two after opening it, if you don’t remember to shake the bottle vigorously, that watery stuff will come out first, and that can be unappetizing. I also feel like the consistency might make it difficult to get all the sour cream out…

I read the entire review, because apparently I want to be sad today.

Neutral: A few hours of working on Fords.

As one of the prophets has said:

A few contenders that come to my mind for “worst car for everybody in the world to own”:

Crap, I just remembered the pit crews...

This is perhaps the safest place for a Mustang to roam free: separated from all the pedestrians by a big, tall fence.