Over the holidays, I was eavesdropping on my brother and his friend talking about girls, and my brother has a girlfriend right now, but things are just kinda eh between them. And he said that he’s afraid he won’t find another girl on his same social intelligence level. I actually did a spit take, which sucked because…

Eh. I’ve had plenty of dudes run screaming from me based on my intellect/job/demanding personality. I’ve also dated guys that found those traits really attractive. It’s almost as if men are all unique beings with their own likes and desires...

Yes, when David was writing his last will and testament, he totally turned to the wrong page in the atlas.

Somewhere someone recommended to me both the NARS lip pencil in Cruella and the Sephora-brand cream lipstain in Always Red, and daaaaaaaamn! Y’all were right — those were the shades of red I was looking for. The pencil doesn’t have the staying power that the stain does, but that’s okay. And damn, that lipstain held up…

I wish she would record *four* satanic trance-pop albums over a 4-day weekend, wherein she utterly destroys Luke and Sony, then sue them for breach of contract if they won’t release them. Ke$ha, I will co-produce for free- get in touch with me.

I try not to get at people for their appearance, but Colbert is right. His head is absolutely shaped like a canned ham.

Nope. I think he could win in a general election. I am only worried about his chances of winning the primary.

Damn it. You beat me to it.

Holla at your thimble berries. Those things are the best. Also, I love their ginormous furry leaves.

Ugh, fine. Preheat the oven to 400 or so. Sweat some diced onions in olive oil, along with some combination of spicy and mild chiles (I use anaheims plus jalapenos, serranos or thai) in an 8", 10" or 12" cast iron skillet (depending on how much food you want). Add a small amount of cumin and a larger amount of…

"Have people tell their story backwards"

This strikes me as about as useful as that old drunk-driver catching technique "say the alphabet backwards". That's shit even most normal people can't do with any kind of speed or accuracy.