It is impossible that you can make me cringe more than I make myself cringe. My normal reaction to being asked out is turning purple, making sounds which approximate dolphin sounds instead of real words, and then fleeing so no one is subjected to my awkwardness any more.

Are you using chrome? It was buggy for me earlier, but I switched to safari, which is being a cool cat.

10/10. Would watch short film of this event.

In a similar vein to Gabby, I positively leered at a woman's nails yesterday. They were perfect and I am still filled with envy.

I agree. This is prime “I’m looking for someone young and easy to control”. There’s normal “I just happened to meet someone younger than me” and there’s this. It’s the same vein as when the dudes in their mid thirties who hang around college campuses to hit on 18-22 year old girls and basically get this face all day:

I just googled it because I suddenly wasn't sure. I figured if I'm already reanimating people I'm shooting for the stars.

It comes on at 8 here. I am so angry with nbc.

You are my people. I read it as Gay Student Association.

Yep, I figure you could cut corners on reanimating the already living ringo and Paul, but maybe I can have 1960s era Paul. I don’t even like guys, but I would bat my eyes at him all day.

I have hope then. If the state that elects Jan brewer thinks you're crazy, that's a pretty strong sign.

I will show this is a totally normal relationship by being so obsessed that I will cheerfully risk losing my children without regrets. Sounds legit.

I will accept animation only if the white knight is played by “tis only a scratch” knight from Monty Python.

This is possible, but I feel only worth 20-25k. I would demand to snort drugs off a supermodel while the entire Sgt. Pepper album is played by the Beatles, who have been reanimated just for me.

Don't let anyone take your dreams from you!

This is obscene. I'm am offended to know this number exists. If someone has this much money, I assume they wipe their butts with hundred dollar bills.

Dear god, what do you get for a 46k apartment? Does a magic carpet pick you up at your door, carry you to your bed of clouds, where a specially trained corgi prepares a plate of cheese and a glass of wine from you unlimited wine bar, and then the dude from Tonga rubs you feet?

Double post goddamn it.

Those guys are my favorite. Them, basically: “What you don’t understand is that when women are attacked a hydra appears out of women’s vaginas and rips the man to shreds. Then, a female bat signal shaped like a tampon appears in the sky and all the nearby women set fire to the shreds. Then, a wild white knight male…

I pledge to be a full time Hillary Clinton commercial for the next three months.

Stop ruining my life. I'm still living in a beautiful dream land that my red state will see the light this election season. Trump took a hot dump on my shitty governor and shittier senator and we're still going red because why not.