Believe me or not, some people request their bacon limp. It's an abomination.

That's not a byproduct of the law, it's straight up exactly what they intend. This guy is so up in arms about disrespect. It'll be another bullshit charge like resisting arrest or obstructing justice often is.

Why am I just now realizing that he was in 30 Seconds to Mars?! That's how I know who he is. My tween self is so disappointed in me.

Okay, but if you hurt a police officer you’re already 1). Going to be prosecuted for that and 2). Probably going to get the max/not going to be allowed to plead out because the justice system protects its own and I’m fine with that.

The buttons! I don't think I have enormous jolly green giant fingers but I could hit every button on those keyboards with just one press of the thumb.

I have it on good authority (my own) that lesbians are also available for boob holding.

Relationship is about compromise, sir. She can't do all the heavy lifting in your relationship. You hold lefty and she'll hold righty.

im convinced most satanists are delivering people to Saran by boring them to death.

As soon as I hit publish I thought of Dissection.

“A few in black metal bands" made me laugh because now all I'll be thinking about for the rest of the day is about how spooky Watains singer thinks he is.

The hating Michelle thing is the weirdest phenomenon ever. My grandparents have it and say she’s classless. Hating Michelle Obama is the biggest tell youre a huge racist in my book.

How did I forget about drunk Giles? You can rest assured that if I remembered him, he would have been point 1 to infinity?

The 90s can stay where I left them. If low waisted pants come back into style I will burn the world down.

I revise my earlier opinion on airbrushing then. If you can airbrush a unicorn on me I will be airbrushed every day of my life.

* boo hiss*

Why not? If you were buried in the snow wouldn’t you like your rescue turtle to come equipped with some whiskey to revitalize you?

I like Margot Robbie. And given that ghostbusters was supposedly a meh movies and I loved it, I’m ready for suicide squad.

This sounds like teen speak for tiddlywinks and I am here for it.

I should also clarify that Korn is the height of musical culture as far as I'm concerned, so if this is a musician, my opinion means literally nothing.

We're all fucked then. I require a ww2 level translator.