Hilariously, that’s exactly what a plant would argue, it makes it sound like regulations are working against the people they aim to protect. Its the fox arguing for a shittier door on the hen house because that way, the hens can get in and out faster.

Oh my god, you’re right. If banking regulations had never been repealed to enable the sub-prime mortgage market in 2008, the customers wouldn’t have been able to dictate which bank foreclosed on them! Except that’s not what happened, regulations apply to the entire industry, and, aside from government contracts, there…

“Hey honey - I can’t book that flight to Hawaii just yet - gotta check Jim’s email to see what the fees are first”

I’m letting everybody know that when this bastard kicks it, I’m celebrating. I’m not biting my tongue, I’m throwing a party. If it’s a weekday, I’m calling in sick, getting drunk, and having a good time, because regardless of the weather, it’ll be a really great day.

The most disappointing part of my day is when I hear Trump hasn’t dropped dead yet. Come on deep state what are you waiting for?

Cadet Bone Spurs also dodged the draft during the Vietnam War 5 times.

Isn’t this the same guy who cowered in fear during a pre-election campaign speech when someone came within 20 feet of him?

Clearly it’s been correcting for the so-called curve of the earth that’s led to his being unable to hit the broad side of a barn.

Police apprehended not just these two, but an entire crime ring as well. In all, a total of eleven men and women were arrested. That said, police are on the lookout for an unknown, unnamed 12th man.

Whoa whoa whoa — you don’t dare impugn the joker, the smoker, the midnight toker.

Heard that some people are saying Trump is going to disown Eric and adopt Stephen Miller. I mean, I dunno. Sounds crazy. But some very good people are apparently saying it. The best people.

I like the part where the bar owner inexplicably reduces the cost by $20. Only in conservative economics do business owners for no apparent reason reduce their profits.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

For dodgeball, remember the 5 ‘D’s:

Wow, when I went to Yankee Stadium, all I got was a $12 beer, verbally assaulted and the clap.

Way to cherry pick that quote, assholes.
Buffer goes on to clarify, “But also with breasts...but with nipples, which Chuck also has/had. I mean, I guess they’re still there. But also with cornrows and without the goatee. Also, they have different taste in movies, but that wasn’t a big part of their fight plans,…

Just to put things into perspective, this is not a new thing. It has been called Person of the Year for 16 fucking years

“You know who else was ‘Man of the Year’?”
*Crowd Cheers*
“That’s right, a little man called Hitler!”
*Bass Slaps*
“I’m just sayin’, the trains ran on time, amirite?”
*Cheers*
*Double bass slap*
“But honestly, your children are going to die in a nuclear fire the likes of which you could never imagine. Just...The. Best.”
*Audi…