Her best lie is that her keys were stuck in the car door, and while she didn’t have WD-40 to try to get them out, she did have lube in the car, so she used that to get the key out of the lock and also brought it and 2 shirtless guys into the house where she locked the dog in a room, sat the dudes down on the couch…

I’ve seen a lot of silly question here, but the bowling one is one of the worst. Saying that bumpers would help you to 300 would be like saying that training wheels would help you win the Tour de France. Makes that little sense.

Robert Glasper is the absolute last person who should accuse anyone of plagiarism and not giving credit. I’ve still got the reference tracks, ASCAP assignments, depositions, and settlement correspondence pertaining to more than half of his “catalog.”  He don’t want that smoke. 

“I bet it’s spelled b-o-r-e-d” is the funnier punchline

-No love for The Temple Run in Legends of the Hidden Temple?!?!?!

whatever that episode where the plot was an entire excuse to recreate the upsidedown spiderman kiss was the best plot like that besides the episode of arrested development where the plot was an entire excuse to recreate a japanese monster movie battle

This is like losing a ten dollar bill one day but then the next day you see a dog in a motorcycle sidecar wearing his own dog goggles.

Apparently having fun while succeeding is interpreted differently than giving up a meaningless home run, throwing a tantrum because it hurts your ERA, and staring down your manager for pitching you in mop up duty.

I’d just like to point out that the Jonathan Groff left running black-ish isn’t the same Jonathan Groff from FrozenLookingGlee, but the other one from behind the scenes on my fave sitcom ever - Happy Endings - which was also on ABC once upon a time.

Imagine waking up in the morning, putting on your best pair of lime green shorts, your favorite adidas shirt, and turning your adjustable hat backwards, before looking yourself in the mirror and feeling like that not only is this good, but getting so confident looking like that that you decide you’re going to go slap…

Iris > anyone on staff here, honestly

This is fantastic.

The act of a fielder who, while not in possession of the ball and not in the act of fielding the ball, impedes the progress of any runner.

She beat an elderly man with a brick for no reason...I’ll take immigrants over homegrown assholes any day.

But like was she hot

To paraphrase Micheal Che, Gohmert and Jordan using the troubled past of some of the accusers as a bludgeon to impugn their testimony is kind of like looking at someone you molested when they were a child, and saying “boy, did you turn out weird!”

I don’t get this joke