Whether Jacob Wohl has 17 girlfriends or not is none of your business

Nothing says “we take this very seriously” like a screenshot from the Notes app.

This may change my mind on abortion.

I don’t think 20th century geopolitics were his thing

Pretty lousy grammar by Stern. “None of those players is with the team anymore”

Really showing some versatility here. Before tonight he hit one woman, and then followed it up by hitting two men. A little sexist, but whatever.

Why even write about this? Are we going to ruin Javy Baez’s life over what he did 35 minutes ago? Plus, three of his best buddies on the Cubs said they didn’t remember any interference.

Yes, but what about Karl Anthony Towns?

Do you want a police report BEFORE the fact? If you’re assaulted, is the statute of limitations 24 hours for you to be believed?

That little shitass didn’t stay up to watch the end of the game? No wonder he’s not a Cardinals fan.

It’s better than what he defiled to get back at Jimbo Fisher.

Are we really going to start ruing missed lane violations now?

Lol...this response should be a space in “Dave McKenna Deadspin Expose Comment” bingo.

$200? lololol

Wale is from DC, not Baltimore.

For all I know, the kid he dunked over could’ve been Bigfoot or one of the guys from the grassy knoll.

Crack.

Wright turned down a scholarship offer to play at Auburn

I read this as “on course to die in December” and didn’t even question it.

Thank god Diaz isn’t just a little more Jumbo.