That's hilarious. My favorite comeback is a sort of lame pun, but it was the customer's over the top response that made it great. I worked at a 24 hour chain known for it's breakfast combos. At like 2 in the morning, this drunk table comes in and this guy announces that it's his birthday and he wants nachos. We're…

That's funny. I'm sure she wouldn't get on board with halting the sale of any type of food that has ever been known to cause salmonella, though. I guess that's where my analogy was going... (I actually used to be like that about meat. I refused to cook poultry because I was afraid I'd make myself sick. Weirdly,…

That made me laugh. That's so charming. It's so nice that they ask for your input on how you'd like them to describe your job. Seriously, I've heard secondhand what my parents say I do. Sometimes, it sounds like I'm a big loser, other times it sounds like I'm some sort of mogul. (Hah, I guess it depends on what…

I think Zillow did an informal demographic study a few years ago saying that solid middle class/lower middle class areas that have a strong sense of community give out the best candy anyway. It makes sense. The super rich simply don't understand small gestures. They don't get why a chocolate bar would mean…

It really is not possible to overestimate how easy it is to whip the general public up into a quivering, xenophobic mass of irrational fear. I keep thinking of salmonella. Everyone regularly comes into contact with food that could POTENTIALLY carry salmonella (we all eat food that could carry it if prepared…

I have a relative that I see maybe once a year that makes her children hug me. It's always really bothered me. When they were very young, they wouldn't remember me well and they'd be shy when I first got there (a year is a very long time for a 5 year old). And I totally understood that. I don't know many grown…

My husband and I still do that all the time with family. We have turned being absent minded at the end of dinner into an art form. Whichever one of us has cash on hand (and we always do when we go out with them) is constantly "forgetting" things and having to go back to the table as we leave... We've tried gently…

I made SO MUCH money in my years in the food industry off of bigoted servers like the one in the last story. Same scenario. They'd get sat a table of someone with an ethnicity/race they had some objection to and beg me to take the table (I'd never trade in those situations.. If you insist on being a douche, you…

My favorite thing in the world is when people spend 10 minutes arguing with you about how they "don't have time" for something... Well, that's great, then go fix the problem and quit whining to me like I'm your mom...