Playing college football is a privilege, not a right. If you can’t have the integrity to avoid illegally purchasing pencils for school, then you can’t be trusted to risk your long term health for the profit of your institution.

If he doesn’t want to get hit in the head, maybe he shouldn’t wear a helmet. He’s just asking for it when he’s dressed like that.

And yet the largest eggs in the stadium will still be laid on the field.

“Whatever we decide to do will be a big surprise”

...and it officially becomes this year’s Ice Bucket Challenge.

You could change out “football” to “boxing” in there and date it 1985 and this suddenly becomes a lot more scary to those of us used to actually enjoying watching even the worst football games.

Young men who are skilled at football tend to be skilled at other athletic pursuits as well. What’ll happen is that you’ll gradually see more and more guys who might’ve gone to college on football scholarships instead going into other sports, sports that generally don’t carry the risk of making you both a cripple and a…

Trying to imagine any other manufacturer of consumer goods putting on such a self-indulgent, self-congratulatory, and self-important farce of a launch for a barely-different new model is hilarious. “Ford Focus SEL - Now with improved dampening rates because we are BOLD and COURAGEOUS and WE ARE THE FUTURE” Apple as a…

Is this where I post my fantasy team? The other page didn’t work, and it sounded like Deadspin really wanted to know about my fantasy team.

“Hey John, you’re not a football coach, have no ties to the San Francisco 49ers, never met Colin Kaepernick, never dealt with the San Francisco or Santa Clara police, have probably (I’m assuming) never been harassed by the police nor have had a family member or friend harassed by the police, coach a sport whose…

he’s a threat to the playing surface w that take

Holy shit; it’s the ol’ taco-truck-on-every-corner gambit. We’re fucked!

I would’ve thought Ron Swanson’s son would play football.

Who would have thought this church would give a sermon about a Chubb?

Do these Cardinals fans responses count as reading a book?

Arizona is Arians Nation!

Of all of the bizarre political twists and turns this country has taken, the strangest one is this: the fetishizing, and elevating, of symbolic gestures, while actual words and actions have become almost irrelevant.

This is your reminder that FUCK JAY LENO.

The glorious thing is, none of us has to watch any of it.