Fuck this janky asshole 3x.

Well, the violent criminal part seems to be referring to the fact that he’d just gotten out of jail for attacking someone with a baseball bat, so hard to argue about that one.

The tone of the article has just a dab of hyperbole. He was a “lunatic”, “formula one driving”, and a “violent criminal” for driving...57 mph.

Uh, Yuppies are still a thing, man. It’s not like J Crew and Eddie Bauer are running out of customers any time soon.

Who mistakes a 20 year old Caprice for in service cruiser? I haven’t seen a Caprice in service in at least the last 15 years.

Um theres actually a real reason for these.

The “no screens” thing stood out to me for some reason, sounds like one of those really pretentious yuppie parents who brag about how they don’t let their kids watch TV or play any games.

Not just Firefox. Chrome too. It’s mostly the comments section that brings my custom-made heavy-duty work rig to a crawl. 16GB of RAM and 4GB of VRAM and I still can’t get shit done.

I thought 90% market share was doing that.

DBA

Your mistake. You should have decided to move to a subdivision with a neurotic, uptight HOA. Then you could control your neighbors lives and property and they could complain if you setup a grill outside that doesn’t suit their opinions.

And yet, it’s Ivanka.

Please tell me that’s not Ivanka.

I would go with “loser plays game for 12 hours, doesn’t understand that’s not normal”.

Providing training programs for inmates: good!

Using training programs as an excuse to manufacture products at $0.35/hour labor rate that will kill soldiers and endanger national security if anything goes wrong: bad!

Well, I know what I’m painting on the back of my next classic car:

Right! Or if one of Ivanka’s minions saw it and took a picture of it and anonymously sent it. But this is like “Look guys, we’re so clever and willing to publicly shit on someone just because they had the audacity to order some earrings from us”. Meh.

I am immediately reminded of this Bulwer-Lytton Award winner from 2005. The Bulwer-Lytton challenges writers to compose the worst possible opening sentence for a book.

and the lights off

Is it about boring missionary sex with your socks on?