something “a little bit more straightforward.”

I’ve taken a different route than Anne.  I’ve avoided having children, so I don’t have to worry about parenting while hungover.  As an added bonus, I have more cash so I can buy the expensive stuff.

I’ve never really gotten over the fact that something I love so much could hurt me so bad.

As a wee girl (ages three to six), I was always excited to wake up the day after a party at our house because there would be stuff we didn’t usually have laying around and I had free reign over the house until my parents woke up. I especially liked to collect the red coffee straws laying about. I knew which straws I…

Ants, live, a whole left over sodas' worth. I was about 13. So much shrieking and vomiting ensued. 100s of ants... And it was more the sensensation of the live ants desperately trying to climb out of my through and mouth that kept my gag reflex active for hours days weeks...

Freshman year of college we ate a lot of LSD (this is not the gross thing I ate). I’ve never been much of a beer drinker, but when tripping I liked to drink beer. So a bunch of us were tripping pretty hard in my friend’s dorm room, playing video games, drinking beers and smoking. Well at some point I looked down at my…

I went to a super restrictive religious elementary school, which I guess made us bored and weird in return. Anyway, it was probably 3rd or 4th grade, definitely old enough to know better, and I remember walking around the baseball diamond with my friends during recess chanting, “God made dirt so dirt don’t hurt.” We…

I hate to win pissing contest two weeks in a row, but if “I want to fuck you where you fart” isn’t a winner, then I don’t know what is. 

I guy I had been casually seeing once texted me a picture of another man’s junk and asked “Do you want some of me?” I texted back asking why he was sending me pictures of another man’s more impressive dick. I didn’t hear anything back from him after that. 

I burned it from my phone but I once received an exercise in amateur literotica from my brother that was meant for his girlfriend. I texted back "Please, sir, there's been a mistake " and then died inside. 

I got one a year ago, and it was a link to a porn video accompanied by “thought you’d like this.” I asked why and he replied, “it reminds me of u.” I hadn’t heard from this guy in over 6 months and I haven’t slept with him since 2012.

without having to imagine his his penis

I used to have to wake up at 3:15 a.m. for work and had a stall shower with a seat in it, which I would routinely sit down on and then fall asleep, only to be woken up when the water started to turn cold. One year I resolved to stop falling asleep in the shower. I don’t remember how long it lasted--a couple of weeks I…

Wait, so I can use bumble to go on friend dates? I love this idea. Frankly, I’m amazed that it is 2019 and there’s still nothing that I’m aware of for this. I have a husband, but I want to make more friends and it’s hard and I’m bad at it.

I love a good Feminism Conversion story.

This comment was a real bait-and-switch

I am that weird soul who would prefer to cook. The act of making a breakfast skillet just sort of revitalizes me. Probably not helpful to all y’all unless you want to crash with a furry in Seattle though lol.

My maternal grandmother was born mean, got meaner as an adult, and now, in her 90s, can scorch the hide off an elephant with her temper. But she outdid herself for Christmas 2016.

The finest Christmas memory was several years ago, while eating a delicious dinner, my batshit crazy sister accused my sister-in-law of stealing her steak knives. She went around the table and took all of the knives back and stormed out of there.

When I was 9 or 10 i got these new slippers for Christmas. They looked like bear feet. My mom wanted me to clean the cat box before the family came over.  I was walking down three little stairs with it when I slipped.  Cat box in the air and down comes dirty cat litter all over me. My new (slippery) slippers,…