The last time I drank tequila was in 1996. My BFF/roommate and I went to a party at a friend’s apartment. BFF was going to tell a boy she was in love with him, not knowing that he had chosen that occasion to announce his super-gayness. Whoops!

When my husband and I got engaged, I was living with a roommate. To save money for the wedding, rather than re-upping my lease, I moved back into my childhood home. This meant my parents and grandparents (who lived there) were always keeping an eye out to be sure we weren’t fornicating.

So, being creative, young…

That movie made a lot of movie.

Matched with a cute guy on a Tinder. He had a shirtless mirror selfie which is usually a hard pass for me, but he seemed sweet/nerdy so I talked to him. He tells me he was heavy growing up and really awkward with women. I’m thinking “This guy doesn’t realize he’s hot.” I’m sick that week and home so we talk a ton and F…

I stand firmly behind the conviction that bowling is the best first date. It is in public, you can make conversation about the game, if it is going well you can keep playing, if it isn’t you can cut it short. And if it is going really poorly there will always be someone’s mom there who can give you a ride home.

I had just broken up with my bf who my friends couldn’t stand. They browbeat me into going on a double date with friend, her bf and his newish roommate so that I wouldn’t be tempted to get back together with bf. 

Oh god my ex tried that waxed bare stuff... so I threatened to break up with him (with full intention of following through if he didn’t shape up). After asking, incredulously, “are you SERIOUS? you would really break up with me FOR THAT?” and me replying that yes, it was indeed a dealbreaker, he got over his issues in…

I probably won’t get out of the greys but here’s one where I’m the horror. I was recovering from MRSA and on sedatives because I was allergic to the antibiotics. I didn’t realize you can’t mix sedatives and alcohol, so when I met my date at a brewery for a Match.com date, I blacked out. Apparently I greeted him with…

I JUST had a guy who I went on a single Tinder date with a week and a half ago look up my work address (I told him what part of the government I work for, nothing else), and use it to send me flowers for my birthday. To a secure facility. Where we are not allowed to accept personal mail. Which I neglected to mention…

This guy took me to the restaurant his family owned. I guess he thought he’d impress me by being a total dick to the wait staff. Snapping his fingers, berating them. At one point he wanted them to line up so he could inspect them. I wanted to crawl under the table. It was obvious they hated him. He didn’t tip.

I went on a date in 2007 which I was very suspicious of, having tepidly put off this guy’s gentle, unthreatening advances for months (due to 16 year age gap) and then finally receiving a drunk text formally asking me out that was surprisingly sweet. I hemmed for another week, then said what the hell. We went to a…

I went out with a guy once for coffee, and then once more on a “real” date. It was half way through this one that, thanks to chit chat, a family photo, and his distinctive first name, I realized his dad was one of my regular clients.

A server at a restaurant I worked at (in the kitchen) asked me out. Nice enough guy. Went to his place, started watching SE7EN, he started talking about religion, then *turned off the movie* and proceeded to try and give witness. I left.

There was this sexy AF guy I met through my college internship who was the first guy for whom I’d ever made the first move and asked him out myself. He agreed even more enthusiastically than I’d hoped for and, after a phone chats, we planned to meet up for drinks, dinner, and a downtown stroll.

Weird, I’ve been told listening to podcasts at all made me “too hipster”

I was going through a bad period in my life and went out with a guy who told me that any woman who calls herself a feminist in her OKCupid profile is guaranteed to be ugly and said he wouldn’t go down on a woman unless she was completely waxed bare. He also had a huge scary tattoo of monsters/ghosts on his chest and…

Years and years ago my aunt who lives in Vermont decided to she wanted to set me up with her friend’s son, who lived in the same city I lived in. At the time i was super hung up on some other guy and told him as much. A year or two later he found me on okcupid, and asked me out. We went to some show in SF, it was ok,…

Dude told me the podcasts I listened to were too mainstream for him.

Yeah-- I went on a date with a guy from Newfoundland (just to paint a linguistic picture) who sprung it on me later that he was a supporter of Stephen Harper, and didn’t believe in abortion. I blanched and said I should go. He tried to kiss me and I deaked and walked away. Later, he angrily messaged me and told me I…

I once went on a first date with a guy, told him I wasn’t interested, and somehow continued to date him for six months.