I always gave massive side eye to other waiters who fucked with people's food. That shit can rebound on the entire restaurant

Little kids and restaurants bathrooms are a disaster zone.

Yeah that book was a lifesaver at time. But it used to annoy the hell out of me because they would make a scene which would ruin the atmosphere

It's probably not a fair reaction, but on really busy nights the chefs really don't have the time to suddenly switch into something unexpected. On quiet nights the chefs would enjoy the challenge of working around these things, but when rammed it would just lead to them losing their minds.

Not going to lie, but as a server when ever I heard: "Oh btw I have [Insert dietary restriction here]" on a really busy night, my first reaction was always to scream in my head "Then why didn't you fucking phone ahead, we could have actually done something about it then!!!"

Go on....

My co-workers never forgave me for the time I managed to book off the entire mother's day weekend because the boss forgot it was that weekend. I felt no guilt whatsoever

"Hi it's ten minutes before one of the busiest shifts in the year, but can we get one of the window tables that have been booked for the last three weeks? Oh, we can't? Well we'll just move to one of those tables when none of the waiters are looking, remove the reserved sign and pretend that we were seated here to…

What Kenny said, as well as the fact that it can lead to the nightmare scenario where a large table starts ordering in chunks which fucks any planning you might have planned and royally throws of the rhythm of the kitchen

"People will start eating healthy. "

Have you seen what Dominoes is selling these days?

Ladies please, control yourselves

And so Beckham's evil plan comes to fruition.

That entire first section lead me to expect a punchline....

Did they have a son named Edd by any chance?

The Guinness Book of World Records need to get back to the important things, like how many clothes peg can be clipped to someone's face in one minute (51)

It wasn't really a serious proposal, more of a snarky comment about US foreign policy

The names may have been mixed up, but their smiley faces will still be visiting for tea and cakes

They'll start getting visits from friendly Mr. Drone and his pal Predator missile

Gosh aren't we taking this conversation seriously.

Unless you can date your ancestry back to the Hannoverian era, then you're not old money =p