Marianne Williamson’s closing statement last night.

Hey Grand Junction whaddaya say, the Chubs are gonna win today!

turtles are long-lived creatures.

Or the Madlib theory when they [verb] a bunch of [plural noun] all [preposition] a [place.]

If you ever wondered what it’d be like to live in a giant washing machine...

He absolutely looks like a guy who could direct you to the hammock district.

Dude, Geneva Convention. Nobody deserves that. Not even Iran. 

Dustin Diamond with gout.

OK, sure, but what about all the good things Dave Portnoy does and stands for?

Why were they interviewing post-bender mark Zuckerberg about barstool sports

“And then you went on to call her a fucking slut.”

It’s certainly inferior to this movie, which uses excellent effects work to show the kids’ drastic physical alteration, while Dead Poets Society lazily tries to convey its characters’ change in size merely by having them stand on desks.

Putting fingerful gloves on a fingerless creature is hardly letting the poor thing keep it’s dignity.  A pox on your house

When you, inevitably, do this for other pro-sports animals, please make sure Clark the Cub has a proper Bear penis.

Fixed the New Orleans Pelicans logo for you.

More like weecock, AMIRITE?

Peacocks are at least visually appealing, and most likely, marginally more intelligent.