“I don’t know man. Is there a mirror in the room with the cup?” - A-Rod

Well I’m the dummy that did not even get the joke for 5 posts and then realized All Takes Matter wasn’t the actual name.

Where’s the token white guy? We can’t win without the token white guy!

Says the very prolific Deadspin commentor.

If I watch even half an episode of Deadwood, I’m basically guaranteed to walk around for 6 days straight calling everything in sight “cocksucking.”

Good. God.

Probably my least favorite thing about Deadspin is when its writers come up with nonsense replies that are completely worthless and would get zero stars if it came from a gray like me, yet they end up with multiple times more stars than the OP they’re replying to who made a valid (usually contrarian) point.

Deadspin…

Awkward is my middle name.

This is tangential to my frequently argued point that a Michael Jordan with no legs or arms, bound to a wheel chair, would certainly not be an all time great player.

There was a similar sentiment out there during Shaq’s prime. ‘Take away his freakish size and athleticism and he wouldn’t even be good at basketball!’

Well he did go on to admit they’re a top 20 team of all time. Which is very important and good. I can’t even get out of bed in the morning until I’ve mentally ranked the top 25 teams in every major sport from the last 75 years. It’s my tether to the physical world.

Look up and you’ll see the point flying by somewhere.

What’s the spread for the next game? At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by any number and would have no idea how to bet.

Funny how if you’re going to be an annoying fuckstick, you should probably try to actually be right!

He treats objects like women, man.

John Elway just placed a large order for fireworks to be delivered to Von's house

“Well, you can’t just lock up all of them. It would be too obvious.” - Ferguson Police Department

I bet every time they bring out the contract, Von sneaks around and pokes it out of their hands.

Running in the zoo seems like a good choice. It’ll sure as shit make everyone who sees you think “What the fuck are they running from?”

I’m gonna start yelling that at my awful softball league. Thanks!