this is the only answer

Wait, she told me I was her best friend. Is she two-timing us? Because I’m okay with that as long as I’m still her best friend.

I totally didn’t realize at first that those were her kid’s feet in those Prada shoes, and I was thinking, um. Victoria. Prada might’ve gotten your size wrong.

See, Ben & Jerry's flew a bunch of bloggers, myself included, up to Vermont a few weeks ago.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

This is fantastic. I’m using this. I don’t care if I’m no longer 8.

If one of them is Emily Blunt, give me your face plz.

OH THANK GOODNESS

I do this on Twitter, basically.

The Krrrrraken!

Can we write it into law that David Attenborough and Morgan Freeman are the only people who can narrate?

Okay, they are officially insert lots of endearing expletives here ADORABLE.

CHI-POLE-TAY YO

Centrist Central to all youths who are starving after a hard night of drinking.

Yep. Which is why back-door deniability seems like the only way to do anything. Not that it’ll happen.

How quickly can one get Canadian citizenship? Asking for a friend myself.

“How dare everyone sling insults and truths my way when all I said was that women can never be leaders because of their gosh-darned hormones! Oh except they can be anything else they want to be, because I run my own company and am not even remotely sexist! By the way, I’m a good Christian, so obviously I’m right! Now…

To be fair, there is so much back shit-talking in politics that it wouldn’t be even a drop in the bucket to have a woman in charge.

I don’t know anything about her other than peripherally recognizing her SkinnyGirl brand, but now I know everything I need to know about her to know that I never want to know any more about her.