He is Old Spice: The Person

The USMNT wouldn’t even have been able to make it out alive.

I don’t know whether this guy was a veteran, but they’d better play “Taps” in double-time at his funeral.

The issue with Sports Illustrated and LeBron’s hairline is that no one’s buying either.

Bunch of Goddamned PC bullshit.

This is horrible! A sports team plane crashes in Colombia, and there are only five survivors left to eat all the dead?

Careful, man, there are beverages here!

Notre Dame players think that they can simply apoligize during the last minute of the game all their personal fouls will magically disappear.

Keyshia’s glasses cost $40000, as they were stolen directly out of Mr. Belvedere’s grave. You have to pay for rarity.

No, he’s on the Knicks.

Paterno probably could have avoided the injury had he not been too busy looking the other way.

Except replay showed he never shouted, “Whackbat!” so the runes were taken off the scoreboard.

I love how you make this the focal point and you don’t even mention how, after the play, the back helmsman decapitated 17 geese with his longsword to secure 15 toggle points, which, by the way, the priest converted easily into 2 victory runes.

I learned that you are clearly a misogynistic misogynist if you think anything other than misogyny caused this misogynistic mess. Don’t criticize Hillary’s perfect campaign, misogynist! Misogyny.

All he wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi. But they wouldn’t give it to him.

And then they came for the group gatherings, And I didn’t speakup because I could go to the bar; And then they came for the barkeeps, And I didn’t speak up because I could stream illegally; And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time i was watching porn because, who cares about Jags V. Titans?

It’s often said educated black people have Two Sides: the side they show the wider (whiter) world, and the side they show back home, flipping between the two with ease based on what they need to get done and rarely letting one side see the other.

that’s an amazing metaphor

If you’d like I’d be willing to tell you the niners are complete mess (front to back). Just because you have explosive diarrhea doesn’t mean you don’t notice when someone else farts in the elevator.