Where I grew up, there was a turkey called Morris who would fucking run down motorcyclists in the country and attack them. The humane society would go out and nab him and bring him back to their farm to live in a cage, where he would bide his time, pacing back and forth, waiting to make his escape. Then the whole…

The real east bay thugs.

Turkeys are seriously the fucking worst. They’re big, ugly, aggressive, and stupid. They were introduced into the East Bay hills here in the Bay Area for sport a little over a decade ago, but people here don’t fucking hunt turkeys, and they’ve reproduced like mad. They get hit by cars on the freeways, they terrorize…

There are bigoted assholes all over the country. An electoral map will show you that. I mean, that douche with the hilarious “make a baby during the solar eclipse” Craigslist posting was from the North Bay in California.

What the fuck even is this comment? Was your sister under the impression that she was the only “college educated” person in Virginia?

You are an idiot. The Rust Belt and even California have a much worse “lowlife” problem than Virginia and NC. There is a reason Nazis from those states attacked Charlottesville and that entire area. I’ve lived there. I have two postgrad degrees.

As someone from the area, I’d like to whisper that it’s named after its founder, John Lynch, who freed his own slaves and believed in the antislavery movement

“And so castles made of sand return to sea eventually”

Have you ever seen Penelope (1966)? Natalie Wood is bored and married to an obscenely rich guy so (amongst other things) buys things at Bergdorfs then sells them at thrift stores. And changes outfits (and wigs) constantly. Very funny movie.

Merriam-Webster also offers this definition of whore: a venal (capable of being bought or obtained for money or other valuable consideration) or unscrupulous person.

Better yet, go back to your tacky Scottish castle.

Go back to your home on Tacky Whore Island.

To me it isn’t unreasonable to hate the H2. It is a terribly shitty car, driven terribly shitty, by terribly shitty people.

No need to insult vaginas.

I unfairly hate the car because 90% of its drivers’ are utter twats and shit drivers.

Hummer H2. Fake poser fakes off-roading and breaks down because it’s fake. Always speeding in the left lane, weaving in traffic, on a cell phone and doesn’t signal because fuck everyone. Also, fake.

The P.T cruiser. That thing needs to be banned from the road

Say what you will (I think you already have, by the tone of this?), but I follow her on instagram and she really does seem pretty lovely. Sometimes a bit...affectatious, but I forgive that. She has an excellent vocabulary, loves and encourages reading and supports her local libraries, finds things on the sidewalk…

I literally died.