Listen, the very notion that they’re genuinely “doing” anything is flattering to them. If they were serious about some sort of insurrection against government, they could—would—have picked virtually any other building in North America to start it. They don’t want a fight. They want to get interviewed on Fox News.

“Unfortunately, you can’t buy the original version of the movie anymore”. Hey Disney, you own Star Wars now, right? Do you like $$$? Someone told me you like $$$, Disney. Guess what, I’m a huge Star Wars fan with $$$ that would like to own the original unaltered movies in HD format, and I have never purchased nor…

“I’m still working on the analogy.”

That’s nothing, I so have you beat!

This isn’t as good, but I was waiting in a ferry terminal with my mom and her boyfriend once, we were all bleary-eyed and hung over sitting on these benches at like 8 a.m. This guy on the bench across from us lets out this huge belch and we all look up and are like gross, whatever, then he lifts his cheek and rips a…

We were only missing someone pissing somewhere on the car to complete the trifecta.

I do not live in NYC and have only visited a couple times. One of my visits involved taking a subway train (I have no idea which one) from Manhattan out to Kennedy to fly home.

She vomited into her purse? Compared to the other stories in this thread, that’s a goddam beautiful act of self-sacrifice.

What in the entire fuck!!??

The Aristocrats!

Having lived in NYC for 21 years, there is some truth to that. People do some really gross stuff on the train and it gets no real reaction from anybody.

Clearly you've never lived in New York.

On the A Train into Manhattan, I had the misfortune of stepping into the empty car... On an ordinary day I would have seen it coming a mile away, but on this particular day I was in a rush and happened to just barely make it, figuring that the empty car was my one nugget of good fortune. Oh god was I wrong.

It was at that moment it was your calling to finish it off. You should have just took a leak.

At least she booted into her purse. I’ve seen trixies on the red line in Chicago spew all over the floor or on the windows.

you’re very sheltered if you think this is somehow shocking

I was honestly thinking as I read this headline, “How many people will have better ‘one passenger shits and another vomits’ stories than me?” In my case, the gentlemen who shat did so in his pants (better or worse?) and also peed himself (trifecta!), the vomiting was a reflexive response from a weak-stomached witness,…

I was told by another college professor of the time he saw a homeless man shit his pants and rubbed the feces all over the handles. This was on an F train.

You forgot someone jacking off. Semen wants in on this party.