This is why I pretty much don’t drink anymore. I spent an afternoon at the local Children’s Museum after a night of poker and whiskey exactly one time. I’m more careful with my planning now.

It’s always interesting to find out how racist is TOO RACIST for corporate America.

Some doctors are scientists, but not all. They’re the ones doing the medical research and the clinical trials.

I had entirely forgotten until now that somewhere in my house are some stupid fucking whiskey stones my sister gave me for Christmas a few years ago. 

As a resident of Salt Lake City I take offense at your ... wait, no, Real Salt Lake is stupid fucking name and it always has been and it reeks of desperation.

As always when dealing with police, we are faced with two different definitions of “respect”. To the public, respect means “treat me like a human being” but to police it means “defer to my authority without question.” So to police, the idea of “mutual respect” means “We’ll treat you like a person, but only if you…

In the Night Kitchen gives me anxiety likely related to excessive magic mushroom consumption in the late 90s. I hide it from my children.

and a 4-speeed manual. 4!

How I miss my ‘88 RWD Toyota truck with no power steering or AC and dark vinyl seats.

I’ve been saying this for years. Except he’s like 90, right?

We can be friends. Maybe we are?

I know the Subie swap is a controversial matter in the community. Is getting it worked on a headache?

One of the best things that ever happened to me is that I was always the oldest kid in my grade because my birthday is in early September. Had I been born one week earlier, I would have been the youngest kid, and I was already on the small side. I would absolutely fudge this for my kid if it applied.

Further clarification question: How much is “a lot” for biking? 50 miles a week? 200 miles a week?

A clean conscience is good for the ticker.

I’ve been to that club. They run an extremely tight ship and tolerate no nonsense from audience members. Sit down, drink your two drinks, laugh, get out to make room for the the next seating. They’ll kick you out for checking your phone. It’s a machine. I don’t mean to defend CK or how the Comedy Cellar has handled…

I desperately want to turn my front yard into a small wheat field and make bread.

Ah, my mostly-forgotten 2nd car, Mom’s hand-me-down ‘92 Saturn.

I recently watched a baseball-sized chunk of ...something... come off the back of a pickup on the freeway a bit in front and a lane over from me, bounce off the pavement, and hit just next to my headlight on my front bumper. Left a nasty mark, but I’m just thankful the angle of approach wasn’t just slightly different…

Holy crap, that pancakes line from his daughter.