A storm hardcore enough to destroy even a portion of these ships would kill you, too, so it's not an issue worth worrying about.

I think the idea, as reiterated multiple times throughout the column as well as at the actual, literal, very-last-sentence end, is to serve a dinner that still allows for sexy fun times later on.

I..... Fuck.

Fun fact: If you have a thing to eat, you can put that thing on pizza.

Had to go 30 deep from the top to find two bands who I'd actually like to see perform a full set.

This is what you wish reality was, not what it is.

Usually, there is: the first one.

Someone needs to introduce Sia to Lady Gaga, because apparently she isn't aware that the public just got tired of the act she's shamelessly ripping off.

I never watched that entire video, so I gotta plead partial ignorance on this one. Credit to Wes Welker.

OK, I could see that.

"The Bills are desperate for help at guard, and per the Buffalo News, new coach Rex Ryan has considered Incognito a high-priority signing."

Again, I'm sure these people exist, but they seem to be massively outnumbered.

I'll say this about vegans (and to a lesser but mentionable extent, vegetarians):

I thought it was a legit funny joke.

This. Her role may be important, but that doesn't make it respectable.

Pink = breast cancer = October.

Yep, I have three favored liquor outlets I visit and they all have dedicated local brewery cases.

"...the 37 flavors of Mike's means that you're not getting (or getting way less of) a local IPA or a fresh local stout."

"Sure, Lynch is stubborn, but what does that make the reporters who insist on continuing to ask him questions despite knowing well ahead of time that Lynch has no intention of answering any of them?"